I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
