I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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