Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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