woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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