I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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