Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
