Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
