He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
