you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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