you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
