and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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