i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize