he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
