i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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