this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
