you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
