so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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