Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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