i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
