i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
