So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
