I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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