i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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