i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
