I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
