OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
