its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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