OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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