She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
