Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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