if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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