my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
