Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
