We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
