wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize