I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
