yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
