it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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