My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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