I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
