pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
