As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
