just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
