You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
