Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and she was petting her beer can
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
