Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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