i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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