In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
