So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
