Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
