I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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