put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
