She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
