My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
