some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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