Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
