ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
