Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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