i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
