Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
