Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
