The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
