would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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